We tend not to think of adolescence as a stage in life that holds much wisdom, but more knowledge about brain development is forcing us to review our assumptions and myths about adolescence and to offer a fresh perspective on this stage in life. Dan Siegel a well-respected neuropsychobiologist is calling for a much-needed cultural shift in the way we raise, talk, to and treat teenagers. He thinks that when adults lose the four distinguishing features of adolescence - novelty seeking, social engagement, emotional intensity, and creative exploration - life becomes boring, isolating, dull, and routinized. He suggests that what adolescents have going on for them that’s both challenging and a gift is actually what adults need to maintain vitality in their own lives. As parents and educators, we have a lot to learn from this age group if we can listen to them and empower the

Here are a few ways you can communicate better and create a mutually satisfying relationship with your teen:

1)      Keep your mouth shut and keep your ears open: you’ll get to know who your teenager really is. When you are just willing to hang out you may find out that your teenager is more willing to hang out around you.

2)      Don’t talk down to them, listen to them and don’t talk over them.

3)      Don’t use what your teen says against them to punish, criticize, call names, and lecture.

4)      Keep your sense of humor intact; it will help you keep perspective and objectivity.

5)      Be curious enough to try to understand your teen’s point of view.

6)      Keep a desire to understand your teen’s world without trying to mold them into living up to your expectations.

7)      Don’t compare your teen with siblings or friends.

8)      Don’t step in to fix or rescue, listen as your teen tries to figure things out themselves. Use joint problem solving to find solutions everyone can live with for a short time.

9)      Get permission before giving advice.

10)  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

11)  If they have the courage to tell you what they did wrong, try not to be mad and try not to overreact.

12)  Don’t yell from a different room and expect them to come running.

^{Source:  Veronique Burke, MSW, LICSW, Branch Director and therapist at the Bellevue Branch of Wellspring Counseling}